My Sex, it's none of your business

   I recently rediscovered my love for Salt N Pepa. I remember singing to the lyrics of their highly sexualized songs as a child (they really hit it off when I was still learning to write in cursive), and while I didn't understand what I was singing I did know it was catchy. What I like about the music video above is the variety they show in the video. For a group that was popular in the early 90's they are pretty ahead of their time, showing Queer folks, big women, skinny women, androgynous folks and most importantly their bodies - hypersexual and yet in control.

As an adolescent I remember thinking about the lyrics (of their song Shoop in particular) and feeling somewhat empowered: was I not a woman and wasn't I entitled to express my sexuality the way boys my age did? While I did not have a ton of sex as an adolescent I was more interested in my expression. How was I treated differently depending on what I wore or how I behaved? What was acceptable for girls to do and what deemed them "bad girls"? I usually made an effort to be the bad girl, rarely brushing my hair, outspoken, assertive, completely trying to seperate myself from Orange County perceptions of womanhood.

Then I started college, and some things changed (I stopped trying so hard to counter society) and some things stayed the same (I still didn't brush my hair).  Most importantly, female sexuality still interested me. I saw how my sexuality and the sexuality of my friends were controlled by simple words such as "slut" and "ho". These words were used by men and women to control the sexuality of other people. Simply talking about sex openly with a group of friends was enough to stigmatize you as a "skank" for the rest of your college career. Maybe it was me subconsciously absorbing Salt N Pepa's lyrics, but these remarks didn't really bother me. In my dorm people often tried to make something out of nothing, if you so much as had a boy over to watch a movie there was an assumption that you were planning on fucking him (this was assumed both by the boy and maybe by your roommates). What was more astonishing is that the truth didn't matter. What I mean by that is that it didnt matter who I actually had sex with because rumors would spread like wildfire and my sexuality (just like the sexuality of my friends) could easily be demonized. This was not only for what people imagined you do but also in what you say. As someone who has no problem speaking my mind or throwing around a sex joke here and there, I know what it's like to be stigmatized as bad woman based solely on what I say. While I may recieve a negative response for telling a joke, my male counterparts were often applauded, validating their "manhood". So in a lot of ways, the double standard hasn't changed. However, what I do see changing is the response.It seems clear that the easiest way to control a woman is to attack her womanhood or her sexuality, and this is a product of patriarchy, but is it as powerful as before?

 Most women I know (granted I do live in the Bay Area and I tend to have pretty liberal friends) no longer have the fear of being called a "ho". They feel in control of their sexuality and don't mind making jokes or talking about their sexual histories. If women are feeling less of an impact from these words now, then why is this language still used? Is it a last attempt at tryng to control female sexuality? Is it something more? Or is this just a sign that the double standard is slowly but surely falling away? What do you all think?