My bloody shame

I like to think that I am fairly progressive and that simple social taboos about buying condoms or sex toys are below me..that I am, in fact, somewhat shameless. I was reminded today that I am not shameless, and in fact, I am incredibly embarassed about my period.

Greeted by my period right before I started work I had to stop at a grocery store to buy some pads. Everything started out okay, I grabbed a pack, lined up, and was ready to girl. As soon as I set my box down to check-out I realized that my entire line was men. I immediately felt severe shame. Sitting there was my lonely box of pads for everyone to recognize. I immediately began looking around the counter trying to find things to cover them with, isn't it weird to only by pads? Maybe I need a candy bar - "too stereotypical!" I think, as if they would be onto me.

Another man lines up behinds me and reaches for that plastic bar thing that seperates your groceries from the next person, he immediately used that bar thing to PUSH my pads forward and away from his groceries. I felt humiliated and disgusted. I quickly threw a magazine in with my pads, as if that would somehow distract people. When it finally came time to pay, my cashier (a woman) looks at my purchase for a second before ringing it up. I immediately assume she is judging me - is she embarassed for me? Is she judging me because I'm not buying tampons and instead these HUGE pillows covered in pink plastic bags are awaiting me inside that blue and yellow box? Does she think I'm gross because I didn't buy tampons? Especially those little OB ones that  you can just stick up there without any applicator? I just can't get myself to do that, to stick my finger all the way up inside me just to plug my body up with a tiny wad of cotton! In reality, she probably didn't even think about me, but I had become so convinced she had, I became extremely self-concious.

I left feeling so defeated, how could I, a sex-positive, body positive, feminist feel so controlled over such a natural experience as a period? And what had caused it? Of course everyone must know I am of menstruation age so why this sudden wave of guilt and shame? And why did I immediately think of myself as gross and dirty when I laid my pads down for purchase? I guess some things are more ingrained in me than I realized. Anyone else get weirded out over something perfectly natural and normal?