The Body Politics of Sexting

I was forwarded an article recently by a friend titled "3 arrested after teen's nude photo sweeps through schools" (see article here: http://www.komonews.com/news/local/82992582.html#idc-cover). I only got as far as the "n" in "nude" when my eyes started to roll uncontrollably. I almost didn't need to read the article; I've read many like it before. Synopsis: girl who is under the age of 18 takes naked or almost naked pic of herself with her camera phone, girl sends to boyfriend (for any number of reasons), boyfriend returns this most likely romantically intentioned gesture by sharing (something that we are told as children is the polite thing to do) with all of his buddies, who in turn share with theirs, and soon, 5 states, 3 counties, and the island of Madagascar now all know what this girl looks like naked. As if the broken trust and rudeness factor weren't enough, then the authorities get involved, threatening to charge everyone involved with something, including the possibility of possessing and/or distributing child pornography, a crime that is considered a sexual offense of such heinous nature that the brand "sex offender" is slapped on the ass of anyone convicted, making registration generally mandatory, and if you think that's bad enough, then try getting employment with this label.

Before I get to the part of the article that really bothered me, I think you can all guess that I find this to be completely over the top and a wee bit of a major overreaction on the part of the adults. Personally, I don't see a problem with sexting; it's isn't as if nearly every technological invention humans have ever created hasn't been used in some way that involves sex and sexuality (internet = porn), and I personally find nothing to be getting my panties in a wad about when it comes to nudity, but then again, I don't equate all things naked with sin. Do I think those involved in spreading the photo around need to be punished? Yes; not because they committed a heinous crime worthy of life being treated like a leper, but because they were cruel, thoughtless, and impolite. I'm guessing these photos were shared with the expectation of privacy in the hopes that they would be recognized as something special and intimate, and passing them out like trading cards kind of defeats that intent. And what about the girl who took the photo of herself, you may wonder. She did after all instigate this whole problem, didn't she? She snapped the picture, she hit "send". . . she started it!!!!! (insert pointing finger here) I do believe in the obligation of people to take responsibility for their actions, but I also know that sometimes actions speak to what one has been taught, about what is right, what is wrong, and most important about overt and covert messages we receive as to what constitutes acceptable behavior, and oftentimes, the overt and the covert messages we receive conflict. A good example would be magazines who have jumped on the trend of appearing like they care about a woman's body image, lamenting on one page about how so many celebrities are scary skinny, complete with scary skinny photos, but on the following pages are articles on how to lose weight, ads for diet pills, or another 101 tips on How To Please Him In Bed (and pictured next to these tips is probably an airbrushed model in lingerie without an ounce of spare anything on her whole body, making the "O" face with her perfectly painted red lips). We live in a society of double standards. Do you see where I'm going with this?

So now for my favorite part of nearly any news article: the comments section. News stories in general are enough to get my eyes rolling; they're written to keep up in a fast paced world taking into consideration the ever present ten second attention span. They leave out details, sensationalize for the sake of "entertainment", and have a nasty tendency to skew the ways in which the world is viewed by the readers. But the comments section, now that's another beast. Commenting means someone has actually taken the time to do more than shake their head or tsk at a story, comments reveal just how much fear and sensationalism have actually effected reader opinions and thoughts. For example, one commenter posted this in response to the apparent lack of punishment the girl who sent the naked pic of herself would not be receiving: "did these kids kidnap this little slut and force her to take and send nude pics of herself? I don't think so." Another wrote "Teenage girls, from what I've observed, seem to be competing for the title of "Biggest Whore" and don't care about the questionable attention they get by dressing the way they do." Really!? "little slut?" "Biggest whore?" And by the way, we're still talking about adolescent girls here. And not all of the comments were quite this cruel, but many attacked the 14 year old girl for her actions. Others lamented about the breakdown of American morals, lack of parenting responsibility, how out of control teens these days are, one commenter didn't think it was appropriate for 14 year olds to even have boyfriends or girlfriends (apparently, youth of this age are too "immature" for such adult things as relationships), and two commenter’s appeared to be having a debate on what was the bigger crime here, redistributing photos without the permission of the photographer or the nakedness of the underage photographer. In general though, it appeared that most of the comments were aimed at vocalizing the opinion that sexting is just more evidence of the moral decline of America's youth.

Harmful to Minors by Judith Levine. Read it if you haven't. Pretty please, with sugar on top.

So now I get pissed. While it was all too easy for commenter to take shots at this girl’s moral character, I didn't notice anyone mention the not so covert messages that girls are submersed in or the double standards that permeate the lives of females. She's a slut, he's a stud. In reality, far from being a "little slut", she is instead a 14 year old female who is doing exactly what her society has taught her to do in order to achieve the goal that should be most important to all females: using her body to get a guy. Not her brains, not her charming personality, but her body. Because as females, it's our potential fuckability that makes us most desirable. It is our willingness to comply with being an object, a play thing; play-doh to be positioned and repositioned into someone else's wants and dreams that gives us our worth.

I have a niece, and on the times I get to see her when I’m home for the holidays, I’ve found it quite amusing to flip through the chick teen magazines she gets in the mail (she says she doesn’t actually order them, they just come to the house). I have fun looking at the pictures and making fun of some of the clothes promoted for teens. When I found a picture of a teen girl wearing a dress with a slit that went up past her thigh and neckline that damn near collided with the models navel, I teasingly asked my niece if this was what she wanted for her prom dress. She kind of shuddered and said no, her eyes got kind of big, and she laughed. I personally don’t actually have anything against dresses with slits that show off the body, nor do I have a problem with cleavage. I think the body is something that is lovely and should be enjoyed and celebrated. What I do have a problem with is promoting to girls that “sexy” is all about how much leg is showing, how much cleavage is hanging out, and not about what’s going on inside. Promoting a sexualized culture to adolescents without also providing the foundations of confidence and self esteem that is needed to assertively navigate this sexualized culture is dangerous. I have seen too many young women throw their bodies at young men and then not know exactly what to do when the attention they were seeking was returned. I have seen too many young women who have only been taught that they are supposed to represent what it is that is desirable to men, but have no real idea what it is that they desire themselves because females are often taught that they are not supposed to have sexual desire. To draw from Deborah Tolman’s book Dilemmas of Desire (another book I highly suggest; you will never look at the young women in your life in quite the same way), females expressing sexual desire is not considered feminine or acceptable, but wearing a short skirt to feed the fantasies of men somehow is.

The other article that I found most interesting in my nieces magazine that I actually made a point of some discussion about was an article that basically told young women “how to know if he likes you” and discussed what his turn-offs and turn-ons were. This was the Cosmo equivalent of “1001 Ways to Please Him in Bed.” I looked for the female version, after all, if young women are being taught by a magazine that’s supposed to be for the young and modern female, you would think that maybe, somewhere between the fashion, make-up, how-to-please-him articles that maybe somewhere would be an article encouraging young women to also think about what their own turn ons and turn off were. . . I was probably expecting too much. I pointed out this disparity to my niece and asked her to please keep in mind the complete one-sidedness of articles like this. After all, why should she think that the only person who matters in a relationship is the other person? I feel my niece has a pretty good head on her shoulders and I respect her in ways that I don’t even respect myself, but at the same time, I remember what it was like to be her age, I remember what I was worrying about (I actually read those “how to know if he likes you articles” when I was her age and took them quite seriously), what I was talking about with my friends, what issues I was already dealing with that parents don’t tend to think their kids are dealing with, and I know that one of the number one priorities of being a teen is fitting in. We had a good discussion during this trip about a lot of things, but the number one message I hope that sunk in was this: please don’t do anything because you feel pressured into it, but at the same time, don’t not do something because you have been taught to fear it. I want her to be an individual who knows how to assertively and confidently handle herself, which includes knowing how to access information and resources without shame or guilt and know how to use information and resources in ways that will promote her own agency on her own schedule.

The teen years are perilous for many reasons; there’s those pesky hormones, that somewhere in-between adult and kid feeling of limbo, being given more responsibility and expectations but not really getting the respect that goes along with it, fitting in, decisions about drugs and alcohol, beginning to finally learn how to be an individual (even if “individual” means shopping at Hot Topic with all of the other “individuals”), and of course parents start looking at you like you’re some newly discovered creature that could be highly dangerous and so should be contained. And this doesn’t include the many mental health issues teens are dealing with that often include medications, the highly competitive atmosphere that has created unnecessary stress in teens, pushy parents, and many other issues. This is the time in a person’s life when words can make or break you, and it is quite evident from the headlines, it is also a time when words can kill you.

After sending a topless photo of herself in hopes of “gaining the attention” of a boy crush, 13-year old Hope Witsell committed suicide when the picture she shared in confidence went viral and she suffered cruel bullying from not only her middle school, but the local high school as well (http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/34236377/ns/today-today_people/). Regardless of whether what she did was right or wrong, regardless of whether she “should have known better”, she certainly should not have been made to feel so horrible about herself that her only answer was suicide. I wonder how many of her peers referred to her as “a little slut,” and I wonder how many of her peers called her a big “whore?” And I also wonder how many other young girls felt their own shudder of terror as they witnessed the bullying and knew that it could happen to them, even as they participated.

So please, before you decide to judge every girl in a mini skirt who is flirty and trying to be sexy as a lost cause, remember what society it is exactly that females are growing up in, think about the conflicting images and messages girls receive in this society, and take into consideration your own part in promoting this cultural ideal that tells young women that they can be anything they want to be, except who they really are. Instead of just telling girls that it’s what’s on the inside that really counts while offering them 101 beauty tips and ways to please their crush, maybe you could show them and teach them to respect themselves, help them to build self esteem and confidence, let them know that they matter too, and if they decide that flaunting their sexuality is still something they enjoy for whatever reason, at least then maybe they’ll have the skills and abilities available to handle whatever it is that comes their way when others are not so liberal in their opinions of sex.