Two Pink Pegs

Recently my friend was telling me about playing the game of LIFE with her nephew over the Thanksgiving break.  LIFE is a Milton Bradley board game that simulates the life of white middle class Americans in pursuit of the American Dream.  Because she is a lesbian, she chose to place two pink pegs in her little plastic car, the game piece that allows a player to advance through the game, instead of a pink peg and a blue peg.  Yet, despite changing the traditional peg assignment, she still followed the same path around the board for the entire game.  

The Observation:

I recently returned to the small mountain town where I had been living for five years before my move to SF.   As is common in these small towns, all of my former partners had made the switch to other partners, weaving together an complex web of lesbian relationships.  It was difficult to return and see that really not much had changed.  People were living comfortable lives, and those who were single felt that their lives would be complete if they could just find the right partner.  They have it all, the house, the car, the job.  But, they are all searching for the perfect pink peg. 

The Reflection:

I know that when I lived in Durango, I felt an immense pressure to pair up.  I had a stable job, a condo, a Subaru, three bikes.  And, most of the time I had a girlfriend.  When I didn’t have a girlfriend, I really wanted one.  And the lack of one, even a mediocre one sent me spiraling into hopeless depression.  I thought if I could just find a girlfriend, everything would be great. 

The Conversation:

And so the stage was set.  I had a new perspective on why I had felt unsatisfied in Durango. And as mothers do, mine chimed in with a perfect comment to bring the experience together for me.  I was explaining all of the parts of my new life in SF that I love.  And she said, “ Well it sounds like all you need is a special person in your life.”  And although until this year I would have agreed with her, that I had everything and all I needed was a pink peg in the passenger seat, I know now that it is not true.

The Research:

In Risky Lessons by Jessica Fields, Fields outlines the implicit and explicit messages in three sex education curricula. Reading this book made me realize the message I have received in many forms.  It is the message conveyed in the game of LIFE.  That you remain abstinent until you are married and have a stable job, and can afford a house and a car and 2.5 kids. That sex is just another stop on the way to the American Dream. That you set up a predictable life where you can send your kids to college and teach them the value of settling down in a monogamous heterosexual relationship and creating a stable life where they can raise kids and have a dog running in the yard.

The Conclusion:

Changing the pink peg is not enough.  The assignment for our blog this week is to set forth a new model for sexuality education.  If the old model is illustrated by the game of LIFE, where everyone drives a car along the same path, and slowly acquires a job, a wife, a house, a few kids, then the new model should be a game of LIFE where nothing is assumed.  Students take pride in designing their own unique game board and finding their own path.  Students make decisions based on personal desires and dreams. The passenger seat and the rest of the car are filled with a variety of companions who join you for your ride.  A new sexuality education curriculum should support every student on the individual adventure, helping them confidently navigate the game of life.