Today, I Committed

Today I rented a U-Haul.  Although the rental does coincide with the blossoming of a new relationship in my life, I am not taking the second date plunge described in the classic lesbian relationship joke.  I am, however, committing to a relationship with the city of San Francisco. 

Until today, I had been holding out on my commitment. I had been living in what some friends have called a bachelor pad, making it by with a spork and a plate.  But, I guess I was waiting to see if it would take, to see how I would feel, to see if this place was a fit.  It is. In fact, it fits in a way that no other place has ever fit.  It is a spacious fit with infinite room to expand.  It is a fit that has allowed my heart to grow and to overflow with pride in myself and my people.  

I am no contortionist.  Fitting back into my life in Durango would take all kinds of pushing, pulling, squashing and squelching.  My pride-swollen heart is far too big for that closet now.

When I was in Durango, people told me I would love SF.  It’s just a city, I thought, how can it possibly be that great?  But, what they did not or could not communicate to me was that I would be free here.  I would be human here. I could do what feels good—holding hands with my girlfriend in public-- and feel good about it.  That freedom is now indispensable.  That freedom to be myself and be proud of it.  To not feel like every time I go out in the world I am making some kind of statement.

Will there be a time when I return to small town Colorado?  Possibly.  I know in my heart I am a small town girl that craves vast green fields, snowcapped mountains, and quiet unadulterated wilderness.  But, right now, it is not time to think about going back.  It is time to be here, to be with myself, to be proud of who I am and who I am becoming.  So, San Francisco, I hope you are ready for this next stage in our relationship.  I am committing to you in the deepest way my lesbian forebears have taught me, by loading up my U-Haul of goods and moving in.