The Orgasm Gap

I finally got a chance to read Indiana University's recently released findings from their National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, and I can't stop thinking about the "orgasm gap".  Really, it's two gaps.  The first involves a greater likelihood of male orgasm during penile-vaginal sex, with women more likely to orgasm while engaging in "a variety of sex acts".

 I am with you so far, Indiana, please continue.

The second gap, I have to believe, is related.  Men are also quite likely to think their most recent female partner orgasmed during sex, whereas women are less likely to say they experienced orgasm.  Hmmm.

I remember when I first began to realize I wasn't a total physiological failure for not experiencing vaginal orgasms.  I took the fact that my clitoris was not inside my vagina as proof that either God didn't exist, or he was a jerk.  Even a pig's clitoris is inside its vagina (check out author Mary Roach's TED talk-- Pigs also like to be humped by men in rubber boots!  Sigh...so like us).

Anyway, I felt cheated.  Then I started thinking about vaginal birth and realized I'd be happy to have my clitoris hiding in the attic during that ransacking.  So maybe it all makes sense.  But it doesn't explain why this little gift of erectile tissue keeps getting left out.

I often felt like I was on a single-woman crusade to explain the complexity of female anatomy to men.  I would read about the prevalence of women's need for clitoral stimulation in addition to the old in-n-out, take my book to my partner's house to point out my findings, proving to him and myself that I wasn't a freak of nature.  Over and over, guys have said the same thing to me regarding my frustrated skepticism about strictly vaginal orgasms: it's fine that you don't have them, but most other women I've been with definitely do.

Who are these other women?   Were they recently surveyed by Indiana University?  I'm not saying I don't think vaginal orgasms exist, I know that they do.  I also know that great variation exists, and what might be a rare event for me could be a regular Wednesday morning at another woman's house.  But I think it's high time we get over the penis-vagina superiority complex, and start recognizing other forms of pleasure.  Not only does this help pave the way for acceptance of non-heterosexual sex, but it may also mean that when a man says his female partner orgasmed, she will agree.