Pondering Race, Gender, and Sexuality - Summer 2009

When I decided on the theme of Race, Gender, and Sexuality for the 2009 NSRC Summer Institute, I was basing my decision on feedback from recent and past participants in the Institute, suggestions from current graduate students, and advice from my colleagues at San Francisco State University and the NSRC.  And of course, there were cultural and political events that contributed to what I perceived as a real need to select this theme and consequently the classes and faculty to address these issues.  However, I do not think that I knew the intensity with which I, my staff, the faculty, and the participants would have such an authentic experience including real conversations about race, gender, and sexuality over the past four or five weeks.  Upon reflection, I feel as though I am continuing from this journey with many more questions than answers while also having a much deeper understanding of myself and a greater desire to interpret my experiences in the positions that I hold and the spaces that I occupy throughout my life. 

As we sat in our classes (and the bars, cafes, restaurants, dorms, and apartments after) discussing the intersections of race, gender, and sexuality, we also watched and sometimes (usually) commented on events unfolding on the national stage regarding many of these same issues.  We observed a dark-skinned president with an odd sounding name who just happens to be multi-racial (or mixed race if you prefer) struggle with the challenges of inheriting a country in crisis while constantly dealing with conservative politicians and pundits who feel incredibly emblazoned to make outrageous and racist claims against him. Images of the First Lady have plastered the magazines and internet some elevating her to mythical goddess stature while others have demonized her in racist rhetoric - how dare she show her arms and touch the Queen! (gasp!).  The Obamas have been held up as the ideal example of a family and as a good example of how Blacks should behave and conform.  At the same time, we have had white liberals (including some rather prominent gay pundits and activists) blaming Blacks and Latinos for the passage of California's Proposition 8 and a sudden turf war over who deserves rights and who doesn't, and who's to blame if someone doesn't get them (when did rights become a limited commodity in such short supply?).  We've been caught up in a fictionalized idea of "equality" in a country where economic disparity, which tends to run along historic and racial lines, plays a huge role in creating inequity that goes beyond criminal and in an economy that feels to be in free fall in a bottomless pit, regardless of the "positive indicators" we keep hearing about. 

In the past two weeks, we have witnessed the ignorance and disrepectful attitudes of a handful of white and grey haired, old white men, who are obviously completely out of touch with reality and the change that is taking place in their own front yards, during the confirmation hearings of one wonderfully wise Latina, Sonia Sotomayor.  Then we watched as a respected Harvard Professor, Henry Louis Gates, who is Black, was arrested in front of his home by a mistaken police officer and the inflammatory discussions that erupted from all sides immediately after (for an insightful and thought-provoking analysis of this incident read this piece by Richard Thompson Ford on Slate.com). We read the postings about the conviction of Dwight DeLee for murdering LaTeisha Green, a Black trans woman, for an anti-gay biased hate crime (NY does not have hate crimes legislation for anti-trans crimes).  And you think we live in a post-racial world?  You think we live in a post-gay world?

For me, the events over the past year enriched my experience working with the participants, staff, and instructors during the course of the Summer Institute as we tried to challenge ourselves, our laws, and our culture regarding these incredibly complex issues of race, gender and sexuality. We brought into this space a myriad of experiences and identities that informed and guided our conversations, and we were fortunate to have facilitators and speakers who were capable of pushing us outside of our comfortable spaces and into "dangerous" territory where we were forced to face our assumptions and misconceptions. One of the most important things I learned over the past weeks is that I have to go to those uncomfortable and frightening places and experience them rather than try to confront them and challenge them all of the time.  I've learned that I need to shut the hell up sometimes and listen to what others have to say and hear about the lives of those around me without always giving an opinion or attempting to analyze or theorize about another's life or experiences.  Some of the most important work we can do is to listen and ask what we can do to be an ally or a friend to someone else. 

I started this blog by stating that I was ending this leg of my journey with more questions than answers about race, gender, and sexuality in the United States.  As a teacher, I often struggle with how much preparation should be done when getting ready for a class because I believe that there is an organic and evolutionary process that takes place that I cannot predict, nor do I want to try and predict, that only emerges once all of the players have assembled.  This summer, my belief in this strategy has been further solidified through my experiences with the undergraduate and graduate students who came to San Francisco to explore together. Here are some things they've given me to ponder.  What does it mean that when we gather to talk about race everyone assumes that we are there to talk about everyone and everything that is not white?  The same with sexuality - why is it interpreted as everything that is not about heterosexuality and traditional gender roles? What does it even mean to use "non-conforming" language, i.e., non-conforming gender roles? How do we deal with our expectations of what the world should be, what we want it to be, and what it really is?  Why is it so important for us to focus on identity? Is it really the different identities that a person has that truly matter or is it their embodiment and their actions as they move through space and time on a daily basis that is what is most important?  What the hell does that even mean?

Last week as we said goodbye to most of the participants and as we wrap up the final workshop this week, I have a feeling that many are leaving with some doubt and uncertainty about who they are and what all of this "stuff" means. or at least that's the way I'm feeling.  Regardless, I think it does us all a great deal of good to be a little less sure what these things we call race, gender, sexuality and the identities we assign to others and ourselves mean. As we wrap up, I leave feeling more than a little insecure, doubtful, nervous, and tired. Most importantly, as I say goodbye to all of my new friends who may leave questioning but are still determined to make a difference, I feel hope.

thanks, y'all.