Love Knows No Color, And Neither Should Justice

Now 42 years ago, the United States Supreme Court struck down any remaining anti-miscegenation laws in the case Loving vs. Virginia, Mildred and Richard Loving’s challenge to the state of Virginia’s ban on the marriage between people of different races.  But, a recent Justice of the Peace’s denial of a Louisiana couple’s application for a marriage license indicates that the debates over interracial marriage are hardly over.

Keith Bardwell, a Louisiana justice of the peace, denied Beth Humphrey and Terence McKay, an interracial couple, a marriage license citing concerns for their children.  The couple does not currently have children, so the justice is operating under the assumption that, once married, the couple would seek to have children, presumably through conception rather than adoption.  This heteronormative assumption, that is that heterosexual sex is a superior form of sexuality and should be limited to the confines of marriage and for the purpose of reproduction only, is not a new justification for banning interracial marriage.  In fact, it has been the most oft cited reason for doing so, though opposition to such relationships is also driven by racist views that are not as explicitly stated.  Fearing that his decision may be read as one fueled by racism, Bardwell noted that he has Black friends, “piles and piles” of them (what an odd expression to use to refer to Black people, one invoking nostalgia of the days of lynching and mass murder of Blacks) and has even let some use his bathroom.  Under pressure by politicians to resign, he has stood by his position and declared that he refuses to resign.

As I’ve just hinted at, many note that they oppose the union of people of different races because of concern for the well-being of multiracial children.  They’ll be confused, they’ll be teased, they won’t know who they are in this world.  The most obvious problem with this logic is the assumption that children will ever factor into the equation.  How do we know that Humphrey and McKay will want to have children?  How do we know that, if they do, they won’t seek to adopt children, maybe white kids, or Black kids, or kids of some other race?  What’s further troubling is the assumption that only married (interracial) couples are having kids.  With estimates somewhere around 40% of children being born to unmarried mothers, it seems that it’s about time to loosen the link between marriage and family in our ideology, as that link has long been loosened in practice.  If we remove parenting from the equation, will the uneasiness with interracial love and sex disappear?  What about interracial same-sex couples?  My sense is that the uneasiness would still be there due to the racist ideology that is so deeply entrenched in our society and values.

According to this judge, interracial couples tend to break up at a higher rate than intraracial couples.  Unfortunately, some research on sexuality and relationships backs up this claim.  But, with a concern for children, we might need to be alarmed by the skyrocketing divorce rate in general – one that is not unique to interracial couples.  Though I admit that there is some truth to Bardwell’s otherwise misguided logic, I have to point out that we’re placing the solution of a societal problem in the individual.  Just as we surgerically operate on newborn infants that do not fit into the rigid sex categories (i.e., male and female) instead of challenging society’s obsession with the female/male binary, we’d rather prevent interracial unions from existing or at least from reproducing than to address the racism that is endemic in our society.  The reason that interracial (and inter-class and inter-education level) couples dissolve at a higher rate, at least according to the 1992 National Health and Social Life Survey, is that one’s partners are not as well integrated in other critical components of one’s life, like friends and family.  I have no doubt that this is due to parents’ and friends’ rejection of one’s partner that is different with respect to social class, race, and/or education level.  (Just think of how many white parents are uncomfortable with their child’s relationship with a Black person, or Latino person, and, unfortunately, the reverse is sometimes true as well.)  I also think about conflicts that arise around race in interracial couples that wouldn’t otherwise arise.  A great example is the fight that the interracial couple in the film Something New have, in which Brian (played by Simon Baker) has trouble understanding everything that Kenya (played by Sanaa Lathan) goes through as a high-ranking Black woman in a mostly white and male accounting firm and even notes that he’s tired of talking about race and racism, something he has the privilege of turning off if he’s not interested in discussing it.

I should note that this story comes as no surprise.  When returning to New Orleans from a cruise to the Caribbean with my parents, we had to go through US Customs – the usual practice for US travelers who have left the country.  We went through the entry process as a family, rather than as individuals, to speed up the process.  The Customs agent who processed our entry was at first confused – “wait, you’re all together?”  It was immediately evident that her confusion stemmed from her assumptions about families (that they’re all of the same race) and the differences in our skin color.  It left us feeling angry and confused.  What a pleasant welcome home.  This assumption that families are all of the same race is not uncommon.  It comes up almost every time I’m out with my parents at stores and one of us asked if we need help, though we’re already being helped.  (I don’t get it.  Why would a stranger stand so close to someone while they’re at the register checking out unless they’re actually with that person?  Even if we’re not read as relatives, is it really that uncommon for friends to be of different races?  Yes, actually.)

For two personal reasons, this disgusting story in Louisiana is of great interest.  I’m the product of a lasting and loving interracial couple.  I know who I am as a person who is simultaneously Black and white.  I’m no less aware of the realities of race and racism because of my white ancestry (a concern sometimes noted for children who are white and of color, as seen in the film Losing Isaiah) and I’m not disconnected from my white ancestry because of my Black ancestry.  Any dilemmas I have every faced around “who am I?” has been the result of narrow constructions of race (how many forms have I filled out as Black and white that only allowed me to pick one, and I assume Black given the “one drop” rule) and the racist ideology that mandates intraraciality for relationships and family.  Secondly, as a biracial person, any and every relationship I will enter will be interracial, unless, of course, my partner is also Black and white.  Though I have had some frustrating conversations with past partners, mostly white, I note again that this is due to racism of our country.  They’re discomfort talking about race or any gaps in their knowledge about race, racism, and the histories and cultures of people of color is largely due to an education system driven by white supremacy and the invisibility of non-whites.

Aside from my concerns for relationship quality for interracial couples, those that are largely the result of the system of racism and not individuals’ malicious intentions, I think that interracial couples offer some benefits that intraracial couples cannot.  In my own case, and I’d say for our President, Barack Obama as well, being raised in a way that gives multiple view points and resources allows for viewing the world outside of a singular way.  I find that I am comfortable interacting with Black people and white people by virtue of my upbringing.  This has also translated into being comfortable interacting with most people different than myself, as I have not come from a world where everyone looks and thinks like me.  I should note that I’m aware that it might be easier for me than other multiracial people because I am light-skinned, and thus sometimes read as white or some race or racial combination that is not as devalued as a Black racial identity.  (That is, some may feel safer interacting with me because I’m not assumed to be Black.)

And, my personal bias is toward seeing marginalized forms of love triumph.  I love the movie Something New.  I love Saving Face, which features a Chinese lesbian couple that has to deal with the conflict between traditional Chinese culture and coming out.  I love the Bubble, a film that addresses same-sex love across the Israeli and Palestinian conflict.  It is beautiful to see love triumph over hatred.  But, in these films, the realities of hatred, oppression, and prejudice are present, as they are in such couples in real life.  I stand by the position that these are problems society needs to address, not for the couples themselves to solve.