I won’t lie – I pride myself on my pro-feminist ideology, further extended and nuanced through a black queer lens through which to view the world.  I spend a considerable amount of time agonizing over the privileges that have been bestowed upon me because of what is assumed to be between my legs and its extension into my self-presentation to the world.  I am aware that, even with a genderqueer identity, my masculine gender expression, especially in terms of clothing and name, grants me an indefinite number of conveniences, leg-ups, head-starts, and other forms of unfairly distributed advantages that are denied to women and transpeople.  But, no matter how hard I work to recognize and reject my male privilege, there will always be a block of privileges that are unknown to or unseen by me; hence, this is how privilege sustains itself – it is invisible to its beneficiaries, even those who fight to challenge inequality.

Again, another admission: I wish I could dress and behave in ways that more accurately express my genderqueer identity.  But, I’m both too comfortable in boys’ clothing and too afraid/unmotivated to deal with the expected harassment, violence, outcasting, and discrimination that I would face if I were to stop dressing in masculine clothing.  So, dressing in feminine or androgynous attire for Halloween is the next best thing.  This year, I donned a feminized and sexualized army uniform. ...

I think sex is awesome, as do most people. However, it frustrates me that most Sexual Education programs are based on Abstinence Only, or Disease and Pregnancy Prevention. I've always felt that sexuality is a big part of life, and it's a pity that we can't totally embrace that in most academic settings. Sure, there are non-profits, and other businesses (like Good Vibrations) that focus on the enjoyment of sex and the development of one's sexual being, but they often rely on people to come to them instead of the other way around. 

In class, we discussed briefly the differences between Holistic Sexual Health Education and Pregnancy or Disease Prevention programs. In essence, the former focuses on the whole body being healthy and the part one's sexuality plays in that. The latter tends to be more restrictive and negative because it tends to emphasize the typically unfortunate outcomes that may arise out of sexual activity (like unplanned pregnancies and the spread of STIs).

So why am I such a strong advocate for a Holistic Sexual Education system? When people are more educated, tolerance for variation (both sexual and non-sexual) increases. Deeper understanding of sexuality allows people to make better decisions regarding sexual health. Sexual health also plays a dramatic role in one's overall health. Not to mention, being more...

In a New York Times, online article published on Nov 5th, 2010, Pamela Paul, author of “A is for Abstinence” writes about how a study done by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has found a “decided” link between celibacy and good grades. Now the title of this article caught my attention with the abstinence word, and I was very interested in finding out what they meant by A is for Abstinence. But when I read this brief report, I found it to be very a problematic article because of the cross use of words and the lack of support for her statement. First she uses the term Abstinence in here title of this article but then cites that students who are “celibate” have good grades. Now according to the common use of celibacy, it does not equal or have the same meaning as the term Abstinence, with Abstinence being associated with virginity, where as celibacy can be obtained rather a person is consider a virgin or not.

The next statement she makes that I have a issue with is when she say “Among high school student who earn mostly A’s, 32 percent have had intercourse, compared with 69 percent of their peers with D’s and F’s.” One thing she never states in this article is the...

 In the past 10 years, there has been major culture shift on perceptions of sex-based relationships. Sex-based relationships among young adults has increased drastically, making it practically normal to participate in a sex-based relationship at least once, in a person’s lifetime. These types of relationships have become so mainstream, that you can find dialogues about sex based relationships in magazines like Cosmopolitan, Elle, the New York Times, and other well known and widely read medias. I’m very excited because in 2011 there are going to be two movies coming out about the experiences of a sex-based relationships, one called No Strings Attached, with Aston Kucher and Natalie Portman; and the other called Friends with Benefits, with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. The funny thing is these two movies are very similar, and come out within months from each other, but the good thing, about these movies, is that they are not centered on the college scene (which is where most of the research focused, making it seem as though causal sex only happens in college), but instead the characters are professional young adults, living regular lives.

 I’m excited...

I was thinking about the “Friends, Don’t Let Friends Drive Drunk” campaign, which lead to the thought of creating a safe sex campaign with that same idea called “Friends Don’t Let Friends have Unprotected Sex” campaign. Now I know realistically most of the time, friends will not be in the room to prevent the unprotected sex from happening, but friends do have a large influence on some decisions, like drunk driving, unprotected sex, and other dos and don’ts in their social networks.

Now this is just an idea in my head.  I’m actually having a hard time writing this in a way that doesn’t make it seem as though I’m promoting the sex acts to teenagers, but also do want to take the pleasure, and trust out for some adult sexual relationships. And as I think about this, I do recognize that there may be some backlash to this idea. I do believe that this would be a great nation wide campaign that would put the idea in the back of people’s minds, to protect them selves when having sex, but I also know that this could be taken in different directions and looked at in different ways. I can hear certain groups saying “well they should not have any sex until their married, and then they would have to worry about protection” and I could hear other individual couples saying “well my partner and I are monogamous...

   I recently rediscovered my love for Salt N Pepa. I remember singing to the lyrics of their highly sexualized songs as a child (they really hit it off when I was still learning to write in cursive), and while I didn't understand what I was singing I did know it was catchy. What I like about the music video above is the variety they show in the video. For a group that was popular in the early 90's they are pretty ahead of their time, showing Queer folks, big women, skinny women, androgynous folks and most importantly their bodies - hypersexual and yet in control.

As an adolescent I remember thinking about the lyrics (of their song Shoop in particular) and feeling somewhat empowered: was I not a woman and wasn't I entitled to express my sexuality the way boys my age did? While I did not have a ton of sex as an adolescent I was more interested in my expression. How was I treated differently depending on what I wore or how I behaved? What was acceptable for girls to do and what deemed them "bad girls"? I usually made an effort to be the bad girl, rarely brushing my hair, outspoken, assertive, completely trying to seperate myself from Orange County perceptions of womanhood.

Then I started college, and some things changed (I stopped trying so hard to counter society) and some things stayed the same (I still didn't brush my hair).  Most...

Coming from a different background and culture, then most people I’m surrounded with in this sexuality program, has taught me great deal about myself, and the world outside of my normal culture. I am able to witness how people, from the outside of my community, view my culture looking in. So far, I have been able to hear, see and learn many things that I have never been exposed to anywhere else throughout my life. But there has been one thing that has stuck out to me while being in this program, NO ONE has any real idea the struggles my community face, in sexual health or in education. I have heard many of talks about the effects of oppression on the Black community, the lack of medical services, and the lack of sex education in schools (all the complex problems), but I’m not sure that people understand that the lack of basic educations (I’m talking elementary school, middle school and high school if your lucky) is the true problem and one of the major reasons why the Black community suffers from so many sexual health issues.

In the Black communities, the truth is, basic education is not a right, it’s a privilege, and if are lucky enough to have that privilege (which usually comes from having some type of constant advocate) then you can think about life opportunities. And if you have the pleasure to think about life opportunities then most of...

I get so frustrated by our fear of sex. We don’t want to talk about it, see it, teach it, or even know about it (of course, with exception of the constant display of sexual innuendo to sell products, that’s O.K). 

I first heard about the Craigslist crackdown the other afternoon on NPR. It is another example how our society wants to shove sex underground. Why do we have such a problem with having a public forum available to selling sex? Do the people pushing for this censorship think if we remove the “adult services” section from Craigslist suddenly the oldest profession in the world will disappear? Of course not – it will do exactly what it is doing -- hide. Craigslist’s “adult services” postings are not gone! The posting are now hiding in the other sections of Craigslist such as the “personals”.

 I have heard the news stories in the past raising concern over some of Craigslist’s “adult services” postings like those attempting to solicit child prostitution. I agree these types of posting should absolutely be banned from the site. However, removing the “adult services” section is not going to eliminate these types of postings anymore that it will eliminate the adult prostitution ads. These postings will hide, too, making them more difficult to monitor, track,...

Reading the articles and books for this sexual education and policy class has gotten me thinking about my own sexual education experience. Like most people, most of my education did not come from the classroom. Yes we had those videos about they bodily functions in the 5th grade and that’s about as far as it went. I don’t remember any other in-school sexual education through out the rest of my middle school or high school years. So my main question to myself is, where did I get my information about sexuality and its pleasures and dangers?

Well the first experience that I can remember, was when I was in about the 4th grade and my cousin, who is one year older then me, asked me if I was a virgin. I had no idea what a virgin was, so of course I said NO. Boy did he laugh, and taunt me until I went and asked my mother what a virgin was.  May I say, she wasn’t pleased with my cousin or the question. I can’t quite remember if she answered it.  But my main point is, most of my sexual education came from family, peers, and the media; and it started at a young age.

By the time I was 14 I knew a good amount about sex and relationships, more then my parents could even fathom.  Although I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 23, I...

I would like to make sure everyone is familiar with my favorite t-shirt.  It displays the eye-catching statement, "marriage is so gay", and is a product of the Human Rights Campaign, an organization committed to equal rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people.  If you are into social experiments and supporting marriage equality, this shirt's for you.  But be forewarned, it's for a lot of other people too.

My boyfriend worked a beer festival this summer (yea!) in Colorado Springs (booo!!) and decided to wear this shirt.  Maybe you've never been to the Springs, so I'll orient you.  The Ronald Reagan Highway runs straight through it, past the Air Force Academy and Focus on the Family headquarters (they're not together, they're just friends).  Then there's New Life Church (whose pastor, you might remember, stepped down after being outed by a male prostitute).  NORAD defense command hums away inside the mountain west of town and Fort Carson Army Base is due south.  Oh, and keep your eyes open for billboards leased by an organization called Prolife Across America.  One of their most recent pictures a cheerful baby explaining that the fetus you might be carrying in your (potentially selfish) uterus has "Eyes, Ears, and even my Tongue!", just 28 days after the dirty little miracle called conception.

Back to the beer festival.  What types of reactions are you expecting from the...

May we all find salvation, in professions that heal ~ Shawn Colvin

         Hello, my name is Breetel Shy, and I have a confession to make. Talking about sexuality scares the shit out of me. I can discuss the history of masturbation, teach a roomful of highschoolers how to use a condom, and debate the implications of abstinence-only education without blushing, but ask me to tell a sexual partner that I want him to go down on me or that sometimes I’d rather masturbate than have sex, and I need to prepare for a week. When talking about sexuality is personal, it’s a whole other ballgame.

            I grew up in a very religious household. My mom is so into God, that she named all of her children Hebrew variations of one basic sentiment- God Rocks. In our house, sexuality was not talked about except to say that sex could make babies and it should happen in marriage. In school, the take home message was always, Just Say No…Or else. At nine years old I remember overhearing my oldest sister talk about losing her virginity on the phone. I cried for weeks. I wrote letters to God and put them under my bed, praying that my sister wouldn’t die. My parents never said anything bad about masturbation but because they didn’t say anything, I...

I doubt, or at least hope that I should doubt, that anyone is unaware that the United States has a history of excluding women and people of color from important institutions that offer opportunities toward a better quality of life.  To be more specific, we used to have explicit laws and policies that barred women and racial and ethnic minorities from the labor market, institutions of higher education, and the military, just to name a few.  We can celebrate the social progress that has been made with respect to race, ethnicity, and gender (especially now during Black History Month and next month, Women's History Month) and really jump for joy when we start to see true equality.  One victory has been an equal representation of women in institutions of higher education.  But, now that women are starting to enroll and graduate in higher numbers than men, some people are starting to worry, like New York Times's Alex Williams:

"North Carolina, with a student body that is nearly 60 percent female, is just one of many large universities that at times feel eerily like women’s colleges. Women have represented...

San Francisco State University’s College of Ethnic Studies is turning 40 and celebrating this week by kicking off a four day international conference and...

I’m sure I offended them with my aerosol spray of sunscreen, because the scent was “unnatural”, just like my hair color and my boobs. But whatever. I thought hippies were supposed to be non-judgmental. My bad. But in my own defense, I did not think the contents would end up in a cloud around me rather than spray directly on me. And I did apologize once I realized my faux pas. I’m sure our plastic bottles of artificially sweetened diet Pepsi also raised an eyebrow or two. No, we definitely didn’t fit in here. We’re too “city”, too unnatural, not granola enough. Yet what struck me as ironic was that they had posted a rule that really confused me in this clothing-optional hot springs retreat: No sexuality allowed. Apparently, “some people” complained that sexual activity in the area was disturbing to them. I want to know why the discomfort of one can override the enjoyment of another. Why do they always win? You know who, the complainers, the whiners, the perpetually offended... 

Okay, so I saw a guy holding his cock in the silent meditation pool. I didn’t care, it wasn’t my thing, so I looked away.  No big deal. So why couldn’t the people who complained...

Imagine a scene with two, or more, hot, sweaty men getting naked, kissing, giving each other head, and then  fucking without using a condom.  One guy might be a dirty pig bottom and only gets fucked - maybe by two, three, or more guys.  Or maybe they switch it up and take turns fucking each other.  There's not much talking - none of that "yeah, buddy, take that cock" stuff.  And there's no music. No lame house music track over the sex sounds or worse some cheesy porn muzak that is supposed to make you feel romantic. It's just fucking. Raw fucking. Grunting, moaning, sweating, skin glistening, turning red. sofly repeating "yeah, yeah, yeah" or "oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck" under the breath - the perfect soundtrack.  And then the cumshots. Some guys will pull their bare dicks out and shoot on the other guy's ass, back or face. Or he'll cum in the other guy's ass and watch as it slowly leaks out. Fantasy? Reality? Both? Does it matter?

Whatever it is, it would likely be labeled as "bareback sex" or just "barebacking". Just thinking about it gets me all hot and bothered and needing to cool off.  And, yeah, I think it can be a turn on, too, within certain contexts.  Mostly, I get upset at the linguistic and political connotations of this label more than I do about any personal or public health concerns that might arise. 

The term "bareback" came into use in the late nineties to describe men who actively sought...

Before I dive into what can quickly an essay on the social, not biological, construction of “sex”, I have to give credit to Professor Martin Weinberg, with whom I have taken the course Constructing Sexuality and will hopefully work with more throughout my graduate training.  My undergraduate training in sociology and gender and women’s studies provided me the skills to articulate the perspective that gender is not natural, rather it is a social construct; we as humans come up with the categories of “woman” and “man”, determine the criteria for appropriately falling into either category, and have in place a number of consequences for failing to be a woman or a man.  But, I must say, I was at first confused by Martin’s scheduled lecture on “the social construction of sex.”  At that point, I thought we had given sex over to biology and would settle for the nagging reminder that there’s not just male and female – there’s also intersexed.

When I was nine, I was pretty sure that “oral sex” meant talking about sex out loud. When I was ten, I didn’t get kissing so I tried it with a girl from Baptist church camp. And when I was fourteen, I argued with my friend Molly about what exactly you blew on during a blow job.

I looked for the answers to my questions about sex in Penthouse forum and Judy Blume books – but I sure could have saved myself a lot of confusion and contradictions if I’d known just one person who wasn’t afraid to talk straight to me.

Now that I’m all grown-up, I’m absolutely resolved that the young people in my life – my kids, my friends’ kids, my nieces and nephews – will know that at least one person in their life is there for them. Me.

I’m not alone. Maybe you’re like me – the “Cool Aunt” – or perhaps you had someone while you were growing up who wasn’t ashamed to have frank, open conversations about sex, and was happy to give you honest answers to questions you were embarrassed to ask other people.

So – we’re launching our First Official Cool Aunt Count to help us find out how many there are, what role they play, what resources they...

I am thinking about fucking.

how fucking has become a political word…how I, who have never been fucked, use this word.Every day when I leave my house with my breasts out and my clothes tight…I say fuck you to this fat phobic culture.  When I demand to be heard I say fuck you to those who silence me because I am fat, female, poor.

Fuck is political like Obama…divorced from an actual body, so much larger than an individual….a movement.

Lilly allen wrote a song about it…fuck you….not about fucking at all….about giving the finger to politicians against gay marriage.

I talk about how fucked up the world is daily…but I rarely talk about fucking people.Perhaps these words are incompatible in my fat existence.  In my work as a fat activist I constantly hear about size discrimination, hatred…I experience hatred on a daily basis because of my body.  Putting on my fuck you armor is work.  It is a daily process of hardening myself…reminding myself my body is fabulous and the world around me is miserable and, most likely, starving after a breakfast of jogging and Starbucks.  In fighting to be treated as human I often lose sight of my sexuality.  My life becomes me against the world.  Us fatties against the skinny bitches.  A fat phobic world against fat me. 

I love my body.  I won’t stand for...

Getting around the web this week, we found a lot of talk about stimulation, or rather, the stimulus package meant to stimulate our economy.

Everyone had something to say about the affect of the stimulus package on different communities. Nancy Folbre schooled politicians about the economic benefits of sound contraception policy in the New York Times. While Racewire took a look at how Latinos and African Americans could benefit from the stimulus funds and Feministing analyzed the gendered implications of funding certain sectors of our economy.   

RH Reality Check even offered an idea for appeasing fiscal conservatives concerned about wasteful spending; their solution, cut funding for failed abstinence only education programs.

But it wasn’t only the talk of money that got us going, the world of pop-culture and entertainment were rife with controversy…

The Frisky asked us to consider if America would warm up...

Maybe it’s because it’s women’s history month or maybe it’s because they wanted to spite the lobbyist in DC for National Abstinence Lobbyist Day this week, but the new administration and newly elected Democrat controlled Congress made tremendous strides this week enacting legislation that will substantially improve women’s health (and everyone’s sexual health for that matter).

The omnibus spending bill that the Senate passed this week not only increased Title X funding and decreased funding for abstinence-only programs but it also put more money into international HIV prevention than ever before. And feminists throughout the US should celebrate because the omnibus bill also includes provisions for reducing the cost of birth control.

Not to be out done by the Senate, President Obama announced the White House Council on Women and Girls. Autumn...

Here's what our staff is reading right now about sexuality...

Do Something! Politics and Advocacy

• The New York Times reports that New York may not pass gay marriage legislation as quickly as advocates might hope.
• Owen West gives the new Obama administration advice on how to effectively market a change to the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy toward gays and lesbians in the military.
• Feministing reports on conservatives’ attempts to use states’ budget crises to shut down gender and sexuality studies programs in state universities in Florida and Georgia.
• Rev. Dr. Susan K. Smith argues in Newseek that faith-based organizations that receive public funding should comply with equality opportunity employment policies and be held accountable for discrimination based on sexual orientation.
• RH Reality Check wants us to pay attention to lawmakers’ attempts to make

    Years ago sexologist Peggy Kleinplatz examined the "consumer demand for ‘educational’ sex videos."  (Kleinplatz, 1997) She indicated that the popularity of these programs was motivated by "the void created by the absence of accurate sexual information in our society and the lack of open communication on the subject." I believe she was right on,  but what I don't understand is why haven't we, as sexual health educators made more of an impact on young people to overcome this void of sexual information? Ask any sex therapist about the sexual knowledge of their clients and you'll understand what I'm saying! We need to educate young children and their parents.

Kleinplatz, Peggy J., "Educational" Sex Videos: What are they teaching? The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, Vol. 6 (1) Spring, 1997.

Continuing the fine tradition of highlighting innovative sex products (see blogs on Gpod, sex and iPhone, and iGasm), we wanted to highlight a new toy on the market – a cyberdildonics device called RealTouch (caution: explicit content, not work-place friendly). It is also known as a “treadmill for your penis.”  What differentiates this cyberdildonics device from other run-of-the-mill penile treadmills is its ability to sync its action to your favorite porn movies.

The ad campaign features two segments – for straight and gay males. All you have to do is connect the Realtouch to your computer, start your favorite video (presumably bought from RealTouch) and experience near-live action within 5 feet of your computer. Here are some of my favorite features:

• Live out your wildest sexual fantasies while you deepest desires unfold on the screen in front of you.
• Let’s you break all of the rules without breaking any...

I believe that today I have read the clear and indisputable proof that marriage equality will become a reality in this country during the Obama presidency. And the reason is not because Obama is going to propose a change in the law. Today I saw the clear sign that the debate has shifted and that Obama had everything to do with that shift.

Bob Barr, former presidential candidate for the Libertarian party, wrote the Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA, in 1996, when he was a Republican representative in the House. Yesterday he published a letter in the LA Times in which he argues for the repeal of DOMA.

Bob Barr is a libertarian who wants to limit government, the federal government most particularly. DOMA, in his view limits the states and limits the constitution’s “full faith and credit” clause. States recognize each others’ marriages on the basis of this clause. They recognize Nevada’s marriages as well as those of Florida. DOMA prohibits the recognition of same-sex marriages and this, in the view of Barr, is an infringement of states' rights.

He is clear that he doesn’t propose to repeal DOMA in order to give more rights to LGBT people. But neither do I detect in his letter any regret that such a repeal would likely make marriage equality a reality. His principle holds that states should decide...

It is hard to swallow the news that Pastor Rick Warren will give the invocation at Obama's inauguration. I find it hard to see anything but a cynical political ploy that deliberately insults LGBT people to show the country that Obama is not a pandering politician. President Obama wants to show that he is America's president and can build bridges across old divides in this country. 

It is hard to swallow, because is shows that I am part of the country that can be insulted for political gain, even by this President who gave such hope. It is a political decision of course, all of Obama's decisions are. And he made a calculation that in order to show the big tent he is creating, some will just have to put up and shut up.

It reminds me of the times in his South Carolina campaign. He invited Donnie McClurkin to sing. McClurkin is of course the very vocal ex-gay gospel singer who let's no opportunity go by to "show" that gay people can change. Obama at that point gave an interview for the Advocate about this choice and he said then that we all have to learn to live together in a big tent. But he was saying that to LGBT people and basically asked...