Archives for June 2009

Photo: My friend, Ginger, expressing himself at Pride (photo by Tom Kern)

Well, make that my first FULL San Francisco Pride.  Last year, I was in New Orleans for the annual meeting of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists up through Saturday night, but I was in town for the big Pride event at the Civic Center on Sunday.  In 2009, however, I was able to be part of the full experience of Pride in San Francisco – what is really a week long (some would say month long) series of parties, rallies, marches, and parades.  Quite frankly, it blew my mind.

Maybe it was the heat (85F  - I’ve gotten soft since I left Texas) or maybe it was feeling worn out after months of being beaten down by the constant fighting against the right wing or the infighting among the different segments of the queer community or maybe it was the consistent feelings of disappointment we’ve experienced with the Obama Administration’s lack of action regarding LGBT civil rights that made everything feel so intense and real.  Even my seasoned SF Pride friends said that something seemed different this year.  Maybe despite the events of the last twelve months, we feel a sense of real hope that there is the real possibility of change – and not just regarding marriage,...

National Sexuality Resource Center Advisory Board Member Bishop Yvette Flunder, head of the City of Refuge Community Church UCC and outspoken national proponent for the acceptance of same-gender loving people within communities of faith, heads to the White House today. Bishop Flunders is part of a cadre of national LGBT leaders who will meet with the Obama administration at an LGBT Pride Reception to honor pride month, and will be joined by representatives from Lambda Legal, SAGE, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and other groups.

And, many say, the meeting couldn't come at a better time. Many gay and lesbian activists have been disappointed--to say the least--by the Obama administrations failure to keep campaign promises to the LGBT community. From using humiliating language (comparing same-sex marriage to incest and bestiality) to bolster the evil Defense of Marriage Act, to failing to intervene in the dismissals of hundreds of queer military personnel since his inauguration in spite of guarantees to overturn Don't Ask Don't Tell, the administration has showed a shameful lack of leadership and interest in supporting the rights of GLBT persons. And GLBT folks aren't the only...

Growing up next to Pat Robertson's CBN/Regent University conglomeration was the framework for the conservative ideologies present in my hometown of Virginia Beach, Virginia. My brother went to the church led by George Sweet, a 1994 presidential nomination candidate. Interestingly, he was a disciple of Jerry Falwell and his follies.

My childhood curiousities regarding sexuality were tampered down with negativity and not replaced with information. That gave my inquiry a shameful tinge; until I went to college & pursued what was available to me (which wasn't much).

Through the women's studies program I kept having to introduce ideas foreign to many - feminist porn, sex positivity, gender variances and I happily was labeled "The Porn Girl".

There could be many wrong things to be labeled.

Fast forward to the Institute where my base knowledge regarding sexuality was shared by so many. Gender fluidity was common knowledge. In fact, the expanse of research and knowledge is so thrilling and my brain is soaking it all in. I see realization of my goals to not only learn but to network and discover what direction the winds will blow once I graduate next year.

Of additional thrill is the variety of experiences I've shared outside of the walls of SF State.

To walk in the trans march left me very veklempt. I...

Because I'm white.  I'm a white, highly educated (over educated?) gay man and any discussion of race raises my pulse, causes me to feel flush and hot, and makes me completely uncomfortable.  I'm also the Director of a Summer Institute that is focusing on issues regarding Race, Gender, and Sexuality in the United States this summer, so you can imagine that I've been thinking and talking about race quite a bit these days.  When I talk to other white folks about race, I feel frustrated.  When I talk to folks of color about race, I feel nervous. I've spent some time reflecting on why this might be and am starting to understand a little about myself.

I'm learning that I'm afraid to talk about race because I fear that I will be called a racist. I think that white people, particularly liberal white people, particularly liberal white people who believe they are fighting for social justice and civil rights, are scared to death of being called a racist. We live in SAN FRANCISCO! How can we be racist?  We're the good ones not those horrible red-kneck, Neo-Nazis. We're on your side! (stealing from Sarah Silverman, "We love ethnics!") At the same time, I know that not only am I racist but I am part of a larger systemic and institutional problem that promotes and enforces racism. I also know that no matter how much legislation is passed or...

You know a movement has arrived when Oprah Magazine picks up on it.

In the July issue of Oprah, there is an article called "Adventures in Adult Sex Education" written by Amanda Robb, gorgeously/hilariously illustrated by Zohar Lazar.

To summarize, there is an emerging movement in this country, on the part of adults, to "go back to school" so to speak when it comes to learning about sex in an adult, non-trivialized way. 

The article describes the phenomenal Our Whole Lives (OWL) curriculum of the Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA)-which aims to educate youth through older adults about sexuality as a lifelong human experience.

As Janet Hayes, the public relations director for the UUA says in the article, "Your sexuality doesn't end after you stop having babies or get divorced or after you turn 60. It is who we are in our core."

Our core indeed. And this is what we have been advocating and doing from NSRC since 2002.

Michael Tino, the Unitarian Universalist minister who co-wrote the OWL curriculum perhaps hits the nail in the head best, "You can have the best high school sex ed in the world, but critical issues aren't going to be...

Certain words I dread (“We need to schedule two more dental appointments”) while others I would kill to hear (“Ann Coulter’s physician confirms sex-change operation”).

And then there are statements that defy imagination, such as; “My husband gave me the greatest birthday present last night — a public flogging.” I actually overheard one of my exotic dance students say these exact words last week.

Now, I’m not exactly unfamiliar with the BDSM scene. My education began a few years ago, while browsing the aisles of my favorite sex shop. A man came up to me and asked, “Are you a Dom or a Sub?” I wasn’t sure what he meant, but I was in a food and wine kind of mood, so I replied, “Dom,” thinking that he wanted to know if I was a champagne or sandwich kind of girl.

It wasn’t long before the light went on. In fact, it was pretty hard to miss the point as he trailed after me in the store, whispering in a plaintive, hopeful...

On The Root, Cord Jefferson raised the commonly asked question: if lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer people want to gain the acceptance of the heterosexual majority, why do they dress and behave in ways considered unacceptable, far-fetched, and hypersexual?  http://theroot.com/views/where-s-pride-pride-parades  This question holds considerable weight, whereas LGBT and queer people continue to fight the stereotypes of being consumed by sex, as well as more damaging stereotypes (e.g., pedophilia).  Jefferson makes allusions to the images of Black Civil Rights activists wearing suits and skirts, making clear their message that Blacks, just like any other race of people, are good, moral, upstanding people who deserve the same shot at success and happiness. 

What Jefferson probably doesn’t know is that gay activists have taken on that approach before – Homophile activists in the 1950s.  Recall the activists in front of the White House, dressing...

Over the weekend, I caused a bit of a stir on my Facebook page when I posted the following update:  “Christopher White wonders why straight people like to take over queer spaces.  Actually, not wonders, but FUCK OFF!”  I was a bit surprised when some of my straight friends reacted to this statement, and I felt a need to explain. My explanation seemed to fan the flames of the discussion, and I marveled at the gays vs. straights dialogue that unfolded. 

Here’s the deal.  On Friday, a brief filed by the U.S. Department of Justice defending the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) hit the blogosphere.  Many of us felt that this brief took the defense to a heinous level by using court cases regarding incest and pedophilia to support upholding this discriminatory legislation and wondered if the ghost of administrations past (specifically W’s admin) had taken a role in drafting the brief. It stated that homosexuals were not denied any rights or had any rights taken away by DOMA.   If we want the rights afforded to married couples, all we have to do is get married – to someone of the opposite gender.  Spending...

Although I frequently attend professional and academic conferences focused on sexuality, it is the conferences not focused on sexuality that end up teaching me the most about how we are going to empower a nation to more effectively talk about its sexual health, education and rights.

This past week, at the 2009 AARP Diversity and Aging in the 21st Century: Power of Inclusion Conference I was reminded just how imperative it is to include the new framework of lifelong sexual literacy within the emerging dialogue between the fields of diversity and aging where it has previously not existed.

The current youth-centric and “one size fits all” approach to “comprehensive sexuality education” does not mean a thing for the older adults it does nothing to serve. It also does very little to address other nation-wide gender, racial, class…diversities and we are all responsible and accountable for the sexual inequalities that erupt from...

I was a bridesmaid last weekend.  For those of you who don't know me, I'm approximately five foot six (some days slightly taller), have been described as "stocky", and wear a full beard and glasses - not typical bridesmaid material.  Of course, my duties as a nontraditional bridesmaid were performed as part of a nontraditional bridal party in a quite nontraditional queer wedding. A group of gorgeous people, some old friends, some new, gathered in Battery Park in Lower Manhattan on a beautiful, sunny Sunday afternoon to celebrate not merely the union of a couple but a union of biological families, created families, and close friends.  We laughed and cried, ate and drank, and danced until our feet were sore and our dresses and tuxes were soaked with the sweet sweat of a joyous occasion and rockin' party.  We admired the late evening sunlight on the ferries, sailboats, cruise liners, and on Lady Liberty in New York Harbor.  For a few hours, we set aside our daily struggles and embraced one another as one big, fat, queer, gender variant, heteronormative, divorced, adopted, remarried, tattooed, pierced, fancy dressed lovefest.

It was not too different than my very own gay on gay wedding celebration that took place a month earlier among the Redwoods in Northern California; we had gotten married earlier in the year on November 4, when it was still legal. My husband, David, and I gathered with our family and friends to celebrate our...

I have begun collection of data for my dissertation. Anyone who identifies as transgender and is at least 18 years old is eligible to participate. Here is the information:

Please click the link shown below to participate in my dissertation research project.

http://www.surveygizmo.com/s/124285/sknovI am a doctoral student at the University of North Dakota. I am collecting data on an important mental health topic. I appreciate your taking time to complete this online study. It should take from 20 to 40 minutes to complete. As a means of saying thank you for the time you put into this study, I am offering twenty $100 cash prizes in a raffle that will be conducted after the study closes (Fall 2009).

This study has been approved by the University of North Dakota Institutional Review Board. Further information about that approval can be found at the study web site.

If you need further information please contact me at (701) 885-1125 or by email at: lmdickey.research@gmail.com.

Please feel free to forward this message to others who may qualify for participation.

- lore m. dickey

Next week NSRC is heading to Chicago for the 2009 AARP Diversity and Aging: Power of Inclusion Conference. 

We'll be presenting on the need to include sexual identity and sexuality itself within the framework of all diversity dialogues on aging. Most people think of diversity embodying such things as culture, race, sexual identity, gender, class, immigration status, disability, faith and so forth... Our intention is to ensure that healthy sexuality/sexual literacy itself is also included on that list and then integrated within future dialogues on aging and diversity.

It's not easy for people working with older adults to talk about sexuality and LGBT issues and so for many, the discussion does not exist at all or when it does it erupts from a reaction to a problem, dysfunction or disease rather than as a proactive solution to greater health, happiness and well being. NSRC wants to work with AARP and other national partners to think about how we might all be able to expand dialogues and policies about sexuality and aging in ways that embrace and respect older adults-providing them with the health, dignity and civil...