Waiting to Have Kids: The New High Risk Sexual Behavior 

Sexuality education in the classroom? The new sex ed is more suited for the boardroom.

Sexuality education and postponing pregnancy are two concepts typically reserved for discussions on abortion or teen pregnancy. Rarely do these notions seep into the lexicon of grown, coupled adults. Never mind those adults actually wanting children.

But in a landmark study appearing in the European-based Sexologies, Dr. Hana Konecna is one of a handful of researchers classifying “involuntary childlessness” as the latest high risk sexual behavior to hit the cultural landscape, symptomatic of the personal and complex choice made by more and more couples “to wait.”

“Risk sexual behavior is traditionally understood as behavior leading to unwanted pregnancy and to spread of STD,” wrote Dr. Konecna. “But most highly developed countries face further problems today—[including the] increasing number of persons demanding treatment of infertility.” According to her study, peoples “underestimation of biological limits, overestimation of possibilities of assisted reproduction and underestimation of the significance of male fertility disorders” are dangerously out of tune with scientific possibility.

Simply put, would-be parents are inadvertently “aging-out” of their prime—and free—child bearing years. And the concerns of reproductive health scholars are quickly escalating as the country (and world) comes face to face with what has been described as the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression.

“In times of recession, people tend to—as they do in many areas of their lives—tighten their purse strings because they’re concerned about whether or not they’re going to make it on a day to day basis,” said Dr. Chris White, director of education and training at the National Sexuality Resource Center and member of the 2009 planning committee for the Association of Reproductive Health Professionals. “Decisions like starting a family get put on hold because people feel like they need to wait until the economy gets better.

“Which means if people are in their thirties and are putting off having children, especially women—as fertility rates decline with age—the possibility for congenital disorders like Down Syndrome, difficulties getting pregnant, and having a safe pregnancy all increase.”

One such couple taking their chances is Bonnie and Francisco Machuca. As CEO of Solar Staffing, a solar installation training and staffing company in the Bay Area, Francisco has already taken a pay cut to keep business afloat. And Bonnie, a part-time Pilates instructor, can’t afford to stay at home with the three-year-old daughter they already have.

“Francisco’s scared about our finances,” explained Bonnie. “We’ve just bought a house and because of the housing crisis, we’re down financially. We have a mortgage to pay, and our little girl goes to pre-school—that’s pretty costly.”

But at thirty-one, Bonnie remains anxious that by the time her husband is comfortable adding to their brood, she’ll be nearing thirty-five, “possibly making the maternity process more expensive and lengthy."

Dr. White cautioned: “One of the most important things is that we don’t really know when the economy will improve. If people are waiting to have children, how long are they going to be waiting? Are they going to be waiting until they’re fifty?

“I mean, this isn’t going to end next year.”

The New Cost of “Feminism”, A Twenty-Year-Old's Eggs

So how long is too long, and how much is actually saved once “waiting right now” turns into having “waited too long"? And how to even go about addressing such seemingly antifeminist sentiments in a postfeminist era, where women find themselves in positions of upward mobility, uninterested in taking a maternity pause until their goals—career, financial or other—are met?

Twenty-seven year old Erika Linden knows this conundrum all too well. A new mom herself, she recently left her job at the Pacific Fertility Center in San Francisco to stay home with her baby girl. Many today would consider Linden on the younger side of motherhood, but after witnessing first hand the difficulties inherent in conceiving after a certain age, Linden and her long-term girlfriend decided that waiting was likely going to cost them more than they could afford.

“Anecdotally speaking, I’ve seen people [at the clinic] who have said ‘let me get my career established, let me save up money, let me buy a house before I have a child.’ But then they end up needing to spend a lot of money, maybe all that money they saved up to actually pay for IVF cycles to have a child. Money that maybe they wouldn’t have otherwise needed to spend,” said Linden.

Linden’s practicality is almost avant-garde by today’s standards, where eschewing career or financial stability for baby is not only considered outdated, but irresponsible as well. Still, experts counter that like it or not, science can’t beat the biological clock (or the economic crisis, for that matter). And when it does, it usually has more to do with access and financial privilege than anything else, offering a possible explanation for Linden’s “mommy and me” counterparts, who—decked out in pearls and heels—could just as easily pass for her mommy.

Though this phenomenon is nothing new—advancements in reproductive technologies have reshaped conceptions of motherhood and parenting for years now, allowing single women, older women, and same sex couples the opportunity to conceive biological offspring—some would-be parents opting to weather out the financial storm remain woefully misguided, assuming that age is not necessarily inherent to infertility.

But like it or not, the forty-plus year old women peppering neighborhood playgrounds and Gymborees are, for the most part, women who had the financial ability to handle the extra costs of waiting. Call it the new cost of feminism, or as Linden so eloquently put it, “when Geena Davis or Holly Hunter has twins in their late forties, those are not their eggs.”

Controlling the Economy, Controlling Women’s Bodies

In the face of recent financial hardships, reports of women selling their eggs, women serving as surrogates, and women inducing labor before their job related benefits expire have all drastically increased. Putting off children is only one more thing the economic crisis is driving women to do. And the results can be devastating.

The worry surrounding this potential situation is so great that Dr. Konecna recommended that optimal fertility concepts be included in comprehensive sex education programs. This is a far cry from what most consider comprehensive sex education to be, which for better or worse, does its best to discourage all forms of pregnancy.

“What we consider comprehensive sex education right now is something that takes place in middle school or high school, is taught for a short period of time, and focuses on sexuality or sexual behaviors of people during adolescence only,” explained Dr. White, who whole heartedly agrees with Dr. Koneca.

According to Dr. White, imposing time constraints on people’s education, especially of the sexual sort, isn’t doing anyone any favors. “One of the things that we talk about is expanding what it means to talk about comprehensive sex-ed to include life long sexual learning. Meaning that people are taught from a young age where to go to access more information and that it’s important to continue educating yourself as your sexuality and your reproductive health changes over time and as you age.”

After all, if the public is left with only images of the Geena Davis and Holly Hunter variety, they might very well be led to believe that the potential to have children later in life is theirs for the taking. And right now, in recession era USA, putting off anything that may lighten the wallet is highly attractive. Even if it robs you later.

Bonnie Zylbergold has lent her sexual savvy to projects ranging from documentaries on VH1 to articles on tubal ligation, heteroflexibility, and more. She is currently senior writer and assistant web content editor for American Sexuality magazine, where she also hosts a vlog, Getting It On ... with Bonnie.