Healing Bodies: Tantric techniques improve performance and pleasure 

Paul calls himself "a sad two-minute man" who ejaculates prematurely and cannot please any woman. Steve withdraws from sex altogether, embarrassed that he cannot stay hard. And Marlene, who has never had orgasm, cries when intercourse with her husband is over.

When countless numbers of men and women like these are treated with traditional Western techniques of sex therapy, their performance can get better, but adding Eastern techniques to their lovemaking can greatly increase their experience of joy and intimacy.

As lauded in a Sex in the City episode and demonstrated in movies like Bliss and The Best Ever, tantric sex is not just about sex lasting eight hours or assuming complicated yogic positions. It is about approaching sex as a sacred and spiritual path. In tantric sex sessions, couples are guided in techniques like looking deeply into each other's eyes and placing hands on each other's hearts to guide the breath in transmuting sexually charged energy into intimacy. In home play, they share his-and-her nights of pleasure, combining breathing techniques with rituals like blessings and bathing.

While Western style sex therapy techniques, derived from the cognitive-behavioral approach of Masters and Johnson, have helped countless women and men (from the squeeze or stop-start methods for delaying ejaculation to ten step programs for women to have orgasm), tantric sex connects mind, body, and spirit to a state of bliss. As master teacher and founder of Tantrika International, Bodhi Avinasha, puts it, "deeper than delight, juicier than joyful."

At the recent Asia Pacific Conference on Sexology in Mumbai, India, medical sexologist and Congress President Prakash Kothari presented his diagnostic scheme based on pleasure rather than procreation, which would replace the term "premature ejaculation" with "early orgasm." Kothari is an expert in the Kama Sutra, the ancient texts recording Eastern techniques of lovemaking emphasizing devotion, romance, and varied positions for sex. Developed in India, Nepal, and China thousands of years ago, the techniques are now being adapted by American sexologists who have studied these arts and are teaching it to an increasing number of Westerners. The results are impressive: Have you ever felt such joy in sex that you could burst or been so lost in the experience of lovemaking that you melt into your partner or feel transported into another dimension?

After years of being a more traditional therapist, I was introduced to tantra by a colleague. I sought out expert teachers around the world. Now, my own workshops and private sessions combine such practices with Western techniques, such as trust building and communication skills. One couple I treated, Joanne and Mario, had been having what they called "blah" sex ever since the birth of their baby. After following the steps of "his" and "her" special nights of pleasure, their love came alive. "I got more excited than ever that night when Mario looked deeply in my eyes, devoted himself to pleasing me, massaged me all over, and breathed deeply with me," Joanne told me.

Singles can enjoy the benefits too by treating themselves as their beloved, and by doing the exercises while imagining, and therefore preparing for, a partner. Not surprisingly, since exuding joy attracts others, a Mr. or Ms. Right has come into many practitioners' lives. Seeing others' souls instead of their appearance opens you up to new possibilities for partners, says Laurie Handlers, whose Butterfly Workshops on tantric bliss have led to several surprising and powerful matches.

Tantric pleasure may not come easily, as trauma is often trapped within the body and mind. In these cases, tantric emotional release through specific breathing and movements allows catharsis. More advanced sexual healing involves specific stimulation of internal areas accessed through the vagina or anal opening. As Maui based tantric master and sexual healer Charles Muir says, "Healing past wounds unlocks emotional pain in men and women from past mistreatment, and unleashes a sense of wholeness that extends beyond the self."

As outlined in my book, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Tantric Sex, sexual bliss and ecstasy are available to everyone, regardless of age or sexual orientation. The key steps involve generating and moving powerful sexual energy from the genitals, where it is normally pooled and expelled in Western style ejaculation and orgasm, into the heart to experience intimacy and love that is then cycled throughout the body, mind, and soul to allow not only the experience of "total orgasm" but also connection within oneself, merging with a partner and even melting into the universe.

Paul is a typical patient who had early orgasm. He learned to mentally locate his sexual energy in his penis and to inhale it up into his heart by taking a deep breath and feeling it move into his chest at the point of ejaculatory inevitability, when he might have done the squeeze technique. "I felt the surge of joy throughout my body," he told me. "And an expansion of my chest felt like love for my girlfriend like I never felt before."

Relaxing into pleasure helped Steven regain his erection, to his partner's delight. "Now, we feel closer than ever before and can't wait to put aside the stress of the day and enjoy laying together wherever it leads," she told me, smiling broadly.

Countless women allow themselves to receive pleasure through the tantric techniques and find themselves responding to heights never before realized. "My vagina opened up like a flower," Marlene told me. "I felt waves of fresh air and then electrical pulses throughout my body."

Dr. Judy Kuriansky is an adjunct clinical psychology professor at Columbia University Teachers College, and well known for her many years giving sex and love advice on radio, TV, the Internet, and in newspapers and magazines. A columnist for the New York Daily News and Singapore Straits Times, and a board member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, she is extensively trained in tantra and teaches tantra worldwide. The 2nd edition of her book, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Tantric Sex, has just been published.