There is a S.A.F.E. Place  

When I was a college sophomore I lived with a man whose idea of a joke was, "A woman is something you screw on the bed and then it does the housework." He would often hide my textbooks and toss my belongings in the front yard during finals. Eventually I tricked him into letting me have the master bedroom, which had a lock on the door, so that I could run in there when he wanted to force me to have sex against my will. Eventually, a friend from high school helped me to escape from that situation. Back then there was nowhere to turn for help. That was 1971.

By the time I began attending San Francisco State University (SFSU) in the mid-1980s I thought there really should be somewhere people could go. I thought it would be great if we could have a rape crisis center on campus by the time I finished my degree. I wanted to be a part of that effort.

There's no place to go for help?

When I became a student at SFSU, I took classes in Physical Education in order to become a better self defense teacher. Soon I was teaching self defense on campus and I found students were telling me the same things that I had heard in classes outside of the University. Almost half of my students were taking self defense not because they wanted to prevent an attack, but because they wanted to prevent another attack. On campus and in the wider community, both women and men had experienced assaults and they were looking for ways to prevent further attacks.

Women didn't think there was anywhere they could go for help on campus if they'd been sexually assaulted. Men didn't talk about it at all, at least not at first. As a self-defense instructor and in my training as a rape crisis counselor (San Francisco Women Against Rape www.sfwar.org) I heard many stories about various kinds of assault:

~ A young woman was chased by a man for two blocks, too afraid to yell for help.

~ An older student's purse was snatched after a man pushed her and then jumped into a waiting car.

~ A young woman's male friend was gang raped after being pushed into an alley downtown. He didn't run because he thought it was unmanly not to stand and fight, and he was too humiliated to ask for help.

~ A woman went to a male student's apartment to study and he raped her after other members of the study group left.

~ A lesbian's partner hit her in the head and declared, "It didn't hurt, so it doesn't matter."

~ A disabled man had been molested by a tutor in his high school.

~ A middle-aged man in a business suit harassed, threatened, and then grabbed a woman who was waiting for her husband to pick her up after work; she yelled, took off one of her high heels and hit him on the head with it. He ran away.

Hearing stories such as these, and working with people who had been victims of such assaults, I knew that something more needed to be done. I met people on campus who could help: Physicians, nurses, and counselors. There was even an administrator who would help battered women transfer to another campus -- a kind of university underground railroad to help women stay in school. A doctor at the Student Health Center called for a meeting where we discussed the fact that help was available on campus -- but few people knew about these resources or how to find help.

One-Stop Shopping

The group that met at the Student Health Center formed their own, self-appointed task force. Soon we had enlisted the help of several professors, and lecturers, as well as representatives from housing, and students to interview people on campus to find out what they thought was needed. You could call it "needs assessment" or "ethnographic research." I called it community organizing.

Students and members of the campus community explained that what was needed was something like a 7-11 or a corner store-- one location everyone knew they could go to feel safe and get information and support. Others explained that they wanted a rocking chair, a teapot and mom. They described a refuge, a place that did not have an institutional feel to it, a safe place.

Through a lot of hard work and the combined efforts of many people, we were able to design such a program and we decided to call it The S.A.F.E. Place (Sexual Abuse Free Environment). The S.A.F.E. Place opened just as I was finishing my degree and I was proud to become the first Coordinator for the Center. The very day we opened our doors, a woman walked in asking for help because her boyfriend had beaten her.

Although sometimes it was (and is) very painful to hear the kinds of abuse people experience, I am always impressed by the courage that is required in order to ask for help. People who come to The S.A.F.E. Place often arrive feeling vulnerable and ashamed. When they walk out the door they are very often ready to take the next step to their recovery.

"Is The S.A.F.E. Place for me, too?"

There are fewer men than women who seek the services of The S.A.F.E. Place, but some men do find their way to the Center. Whether they are heterosexual men who have been gang raped, gay men who have experienced date rape, or men in relationships being abused by a male or female partner, they are all welcome. The primary difference between the services we provide to men and women, is that there are fewer off-campus referrals to offer to men, and this can be frustrating and discouraging for both providers and the people who come in search of help. There is clearly a gap in services for men who have experienced abuse and assault of all kinds.

In addition to sexual assault, sexual harassment, and relationship violence issues, The S.A.F.E. Place also provides support and information about hate-motivated violence and discrimination.

Myth: Macho guys get all the girls

The S.A.F.E. Place also offers programs that inform people about sexual abuse, sexual assault and rape. During our rape prevention programs, heterosexual men sometimes comment that it is the aggressive guys who are "getting all the girls" -- they seem to have so many more dates than the "nice guys." I like to ask these men if they know how many second dates the aggressive men get. Men attending our rape prevention programs also often ask, "What do women want? What feels good to them?" We try to encourage men to ask their partners directly because each person is different and we want men and women to feel empowered to discuss these issues with each other.

Consent

At San Francisco State University there is widespread teaching about safer sex, using latex and other means to prevent HIV/AIDS and other STDs. From my perspective, this level of education indirectly reduces the rate of rape because it focuses attention on how to negotiate sexual activity in the process of negotiating safer sex practices. At The S.A.F.E. Place, we also remind students that "Safer sex is more than latex." Safer sex includes getting full and complete consent from your partner before engaging in sexual activity. We believe that a combination of sex education and sex-positive rape prevention education can result in safer, more enjoyable sex as well as reduce sexual assault.

In the early 1990s anti-rape activists across the United States proclaimed a Rape Awareness Week to be held in April. Since then the month of April has become Sexual Assault Awareness month and the issue of rape, as well as other forms of sexual assault, are the focus of many organizations -- both on and off campus. For more information about San Francisco State University's S.A.F.E. Place visit www.sfsu.edu/~safe_plc or please call 415-338-2819.

* Nina Jo Smith coordinates The S.A.F.E Place at San Francisco State University and is a member of the Adult Sexual Assault Task Force of the City and County of San Francisco.