Mitzvah: A liberal Jewish look at human sexuality  

Given the almost 4,000 years of Jewish history since Abraham, “Liberal Judaism,” generally understood as one of the attempts to reconcile Jewish tradition and modernity, is a relatively new phenomenon. The movement now known as Reform (or, internationally, Progressive) Judaism traces its origins to Germany less than 200 years ago. Conservative Judaism began in America at the end of the 19th century, and the Reconstructionist movement is less than 75 years old. Nevertheless, liberal expressions of Judaism have become quite influential in American Jewish life.

Sexuality, on the other hand, is as old as humanity, and is one of the issues that all religions address. Judaism is no exception. From Biblical times until today, Jews have had a lot to say on this subject. Recognizing the importance of trying to articulate an appropriate and relevant approach to sexual behavior in an increasingly sexualized American society, the three liberal Jewish movements mentioned above have grappled with this subject in recent years.

Traditional Attitude Toward Sexuality

All the movements within Judaism regard appropriate sexual behavior as a mitzvah, a sacred human activity potentially imbued with holiness (kedushah in Hebrew). Jewish tradition generally views human sexuality as inherently positive and joyous. Like every human capacity, sexuality is understood as a gift from God and is therefore a legitimate good, provided that it is exercised in faithful acceptance of a divine purpose and in reverent awareness of God’s presence. Human sexual behavior is understood as both the means to procreation, the fulfillment of the Torah’s first mitzvah, “Be fruitful and multiply…” and, in the right context, a way to experience physical delight and pleasure.

At the same time, precisely because it is such a primal aspect of human existence, human sexuality also contains with it the potential for destructive behavior. Sexuality that is expressed with actions that lack moral values can be hurtful or obscene. The very same physical joy that sexual activity brings contains within it the seeds of temptation to engage in expressions of sexuality that can be unethical and sinful. The rabbinic tradition came to understand this temptation as an aspect of the Yetzer HaRa, the “evil inclination,” an innate, natural part of our humanity. According to Solomon Schechter, founder of the United Synagogue of America, one of the great passions that the Yetzer HaRa plays upon is the passion of sin known as y’tzirah d’aveirah, “the inclination toward sexual immorality.” Judaism has always acknowledged how difficult it is for human beings, created by God with strong sexual desires, to channel their sexual behavior. And so Maimonides writes, “No prohibition in all of the Torah is as difficult to keep as that of forbidden sexual relations.”

Ironically, this same Yetzer HaRa also plays a crucial and even critical role in human life and in society. When the Midrash examines the verse “And God saw everything that God had made and behold, it was very good,” the rabbis ask the question, “Can even the Yetzer HaRa be considered good?” The famous answer is that “were it not for the ‘evil inclination,’ no one would build a house, nor marry, nor have children, nor take a job.” Thus our Yetzer HaRa is, like sexuality itself, simultaneously a divine gift with the potential for blessing, and also one of our greatest human challenges.

In recent decades we have increasingly come to recognize that sexual behavior is always imbued with significance, be that significance physical, moral, emotional, spiritual, or psychological. Human sexual behavior has potential consequences for our self-image and for our relationships with other people. In our age, irresponsible sexual behavior can too easily lead to disease and death. Judaism teaches that human sexuality reaches its heights in a faithful, covenantal relationship undergirded by a deep emotional commitment, as the ultimate expression of the most intimate of human bonds between two loving people and as a deeply spiritual, not merely physical, activity. If our sexuality is expected to reach its potential for personal fulfillment and moral content, its expression can never be casual.

Because of the many risks that are involved in human sexual behavior, Judaism has historically imposed discipline upon this area of life, setting boundaries and limits that are intended to safeguard both the people involved, and human sexuality itself, from abuse. Judaism has set these limits within the framework of the mitzvot. Our tradition’s way of thinking about life is distinguished from other religious systems, in part, by the notion of mitzvah. In general, the mitzvot is a system of ethical and ritual demands based upon the performance of proper behaviors; proper feelings and intentions are not the primary goal. “Our tradition has generally refused to collapse the moral distinction between harboring impious thoughts and feelings and doing irresponsible deeds. One of the marks of moral dignity is the demonstrated capacity to control one’s sexual urges.” For example, Jewish thought has refused to blur the distinction between (the apparently normal and universal human) feelings of lust and the transformation of lust into specific sexual activity that might be considered immoral. Sexual fantasies, while perhaps not ideal, are not, in and of themselves, considered sinful unless they are acted upon.

Because our tradition is fundamentally oriented toward proper behavior, Judaism has historically deemed it appropriate and even necessary to evaluate human actions. Judaism is not a value free system of thought. Thus sexual conduct, along with all other behaviors, have been subject to critical evaluation and sometimes harsh judgment.

One Proposed Set of Liberal Jewish Sexual Values

At the same time, Judaism holds out a number of ideals that undergird the foundation of Judaism’s understanding of moral sexual behavior. Among these values are the following:

(1) B’tzelem Elohim (“in the image of God”). This fundamental Jewish idea is first articulated in Genesis 1:27, “And God created Adam in the divine image ... male and female ...” B’tzelem Elohim underscores the inherent dignity of every person and requires us to value one’s self and one’s sexual partner and to be sensitive to his/her needs. This moral principle demands consent and mutuality in sexual relationships.

(2) Emet (“truth”). Authentic and ethical human relationships should be grounded in both truth and honesty. Both partners in an intimate relationship should strive to communicate lovingly and candidly. However, honesty that is destructive of the relationship may lack the quality of rachamim, mercy. In addition, falsehood that manipulates is sinful.

(3) Briyut (“health”). Jewish tradition teaches us to rejoice in, and to maximize, our physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Adults of all ages and of all physical and mental capabilities can develop expressions of their sexuality that are both responsible and joyful. The abuse of human sexuality can be destructive to our emotional, spiritual, and physical health.

(4) Mishpat (“justice”). Judaism insists that it is our duty to reach out and care for others, to treat all of those created in the image of God with respect and dignity, to strive to create equality and justice wherever people are treated unfairly, to help meet the needs of the less fortunate, and to engage in tikkun olam, the repair of God’s creation. We strive to be sensitive to any abuse of power and victimization of other human beings. All forms of sexual harassment, incest, child molestation, and rape violate the value of mishapt. Our pursuit of mishapt inspires us to eradicate prejudice, inequality, and discrimination based upon gender or sexual orientation.

(5) Mishpachah (“family”). The family is a cornerstone of human society and of Jewish life as well. The Torah, through the first mitzvah (Genesis 1:28), p’ru u’rvu, “be fruitful and multiply,” emphasizes the obligation of bringing children into the world through the institution of the family. In our age, the traditional notion of family is in the process of being redefined. Family also has multiple meanings in an age of increasingly complex biotechnology and choice. The importance of family, whether biologically or relationally based, remains the foundation of meaningful human existence.

(6) Tz’niyut (“modesty”). The classic Iggeret HaKodesh, “The Holy Letter,” sets forth the Jewish view that The Holy One did not create anything that is not beautiful and potentially good. The human body in itself is never to be considered an object of shame or embarrassment. Instead, “... it is the manner and context in which it (i.e., the body) is utilized, the ends to which it is used, which determine condemnation or praise.” Our behavior should never reduce the human body to an object. Dress, language, and behavior should reflect respect for modesty and privacy. As Jews we acknowledge and celebrate the differences between public, private, and holy time, as well as the differences between public, private, and holy places.

(7) Brit (“covenantal relationship”). For sexual expression in human relationships to reach the fullness of its potential, it should be grounded in fidelity and the intention of permanence. This grounding mirrors the historic Jewish ideal of the relationship between God and the people of Israel, with its mutual responsibilities and its assumption of constancy. A sexual relationship is covenantal when it is stable and enduring and includes mutual esteem, trust, and faithfulness.

(8) Simchah (“joy”). As a powerful force in human life, sexuality has the potential to bring about physical closeness and pleasure, emotional intimacy and communication, as well as sexual pleasure and orgasm. Judaism teaches that procreation is not the sole purpose of sexual intimacy; it rejoices in the gratification that sexuality can bring to us. Judaism insists that the joy of human sexual activity should be experienced only in healthy and responsible human relationships.

(9) Ahavah (“love”). The mitzvah from Leviticus 19:18, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am Adonai,” serves as an essential maxim of all human relationships. The Hebrew term Ahavah is used to describe the ideal relationship between God and humanity, as well as between people. The Jewish marriage ceremony speaks of “Ahavah v’achavah, shalom v’reiyut,” “love and affection, wholeness and friendship” as ideals that undergird holy relationships. For Jews Ahavah is not only a feeling or emotion, but more importantly the concrete behaviors we display toward God and our fellow humans. Ahavah implies self esteem, the internal conviction that each of us should appear worthy in our own eyes. Ahavah forbids any abuse or violence in sexuality or any aspect of human relationships. Ahavah should be expressed through behavior that displays care, support, and empathy.

(10) K’dushah (“holiness”). This value comes from the root meaning of the Hebrew word K D Sh, “distinct from all others, unique, set apart for an elevated purpose.” The Torah instructs us: “You shall be holy, for I, Adonai your God, am holy” (Leviticus 19:2). Holiness is not a state of being; rather it is a continuing process of human striving for increasingly higher levels of moral living. In a liberal Jewish context, a relationship may attain a measure of kedushah when both partners voluntarily set themselves apart exclusively for each other, thereby finding unique emotional, sexual, and spiritual intimacy.

Challenges in the Jewish Community

While these values may describe a basic consensus in the liberal Jewish community, there are sharp distinctions that divide us from our Orthodox and more conservative brothers and sisters. Two issues are most notable: the role of women and the role of gays and lesbians. Liberal Jews insist that gender equality is a core principle of our religious self-understanding. This includes the roles played by women and men in marriage and child rearing. Orthodox Jews believe that the traditional gender roles played out in marriage and family relationships should continue to be affirmed.

But the sharpest difference of opinion in the Jewish community today is over the question of the status and inclusion of gay and lesbian Jews in the synagogue and Jewish community. Orthodox Jews affirm the traditional view that homosexual behavior is a sinful choice. The attempts by some modern Orthodox thinkers to redefine homosexuality as a mental illness or to distinguish between “the sin” and “the sinner” have not gained much acceptance among Orthodox thinkers or among gay and lesbian Orthodox Jews. While some Orthodox rabbis and congregations have opened up a discussion on this topic, the overwhelming sentiment remains negative.

The liberal Jewish community understands homosexuality as a sexual orientation influenced by many factors, including biology. This leads to the conclusion that for some human beings, homosexuality is a natural expression of their identity. In theological terms, liberal Jews believe that God created gay and lesbian people to be exactly who they are. This leads to a very different set of conclusions including the inclusion of gay and lesbian Jews and couples in synagogue life and the possibility of rabbinic officiation at same gender commitment ceremonies and marriages.

Beyond that, all segments of the Jewish community face a number of common challenges in the area of human sexuality. These include the existence of sexual abuse, adultery, and promiscuity by too many Jewish adults, as well as so-called casual sex, most notably among Jewish college students and young singles. Several recent magazine articles have explored sexual activity among Jewish teenagers. Jewish adolescents who experiment with sex can easily engage in what the broad teenage culture calls “friends with benefits,” that is, “hooking up” for sexual activity, especially oral sex, with the assumption that there is no emotional or personal commitment. These encounters often involve the use of drugs and alcohol, as well as pornography from the Internet. These trends have raised alarms all across the Jewish community.

A liberal Jewish approach to human sexuality reflects the self-consciousness of liberal Judaism generally: the attempt to synthesize a grounding in Jewish tradition with an awareness of the insights of modernity. Because sexuality is such a potent force in human life, this endeavor is particularly difficult. It requires a delicate balance that holds most dear the value of human life. That God has entrusted us with this trial should give us the confidence that we can, indeed, meet the challenge with wisdom and good judgment.

Rabbi Jonathan A. Stein assumed his duties at Temple Shaaray Tefila in July 2001. A native of Pottsown, Pennsylvania, he graduated from the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia in 1969 and was ordained as a rabbi in 1975 from Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion (HUC-JIR) in Cincinnati. In 2000, he received a doctor of divinity degree from the same seminary.